Major Project - Script Draft 8

Condemned Script Draft 8

The eighth draft would act as the final draft of the script before we begin shooting. It turned out that there were not too many changes to make with this script, at least not as many as I had expected. A number of the changes made to this draft were fairly minimal with the exception of a couple of major changes, most notably the final scene. As this script would be sent just a week before the shoot, it helps that there are not too many changes. Here are the changes made to the script.

The first of these changes was particularly small and that came in scene 5, the interview scene with Nick. I changed the lifting key to a tap reseating tool. When looking through the tools in the house I found saw the tap reseating tool and felt it was perfectly ideal for our film and would make far more sense than a lifting key. This is not a change that affects the film in any significant way, however.

The next change was also a small one and would not come until scene 13 when David visits Stephen. One thing I learned in my role as a script writer is that if any dialogue can be cut without affecting the story, do it, as film is a show not tell form of storytelling. I had removed the word bit from Stephens line "Bit like old Marvin, do you remember him?" to help the pacing and flow of the film. As small and insignificant as it may seem, every tiny change helps in some way.

Scene 15 in the park saw yet another wording change. Stephens line was changed from "prick" to "lazy sod" when describing Nick's character. The word prick had already been used and it felt necessary to change this description to keep some form of variety in dialogue.

I cut a large chunk of dialogue from scene 17 as it did not feel necessary to the story in a major way and felt too similar to the dialogue mentioned in the previous scene. This also helps speed up the pace of the film.

Dialogue cut from Scene 17 (left) and where it is missing from in the latest draft (right)

Dialogue from the phone call scene (18) was cut to speed up the pace as well as to trim the fat. Nick no longer says "you're fired" as he had already said "don't bother showing up to work tomorrow" earlier on. There is no need to repeat himself. Davids line was also cut shorter as he did not need to ask "did Stephen say?".

While I have talked about speeding up the pace and trimming the fat a few times already. However, in scene 21, I decided to swap out one word of dialogue. Stephen initially describes David as being ignorant, but it felt more heartfelt for him to just straight up call him a cunt. In full the line now reads "What you said to me yesterday about not remembering anything showed me just how much of a cunt you still are!"

The final change, and easily the biggest, was the change made to the end of the film in scene 25. This had been one aspect of the film I had struggled to get right in the script, but after a discussion of ideas with Simon, it was decided that I would give the film a more sinister twist ending. Instead of having flashbacks of the past event, David instead observes a photograph of Stephen and Susan (his wife) together, implying that he had known all along about their affair.